THE CREW

Docking me, docking
the org chart.

A fully cross-functional team of people who each, independently and without coordinating, decided that "deny by default" was a personality trait worth shipping.

ORG CHART, ROUGHLY

Everyone you'll never quite reach on support.

All avatars are wireframes. This is not a budget decision. This is a design philosophy about how much of a person you're really entitled to see before your ticket is escalated.

Wireframe line-art avatar illustration of Agnetha Rootaccess

Agnetha Rootaccess

Chief Executive, Denial Officer

Founded Docking after being denied access to her own home Wi-Fi and deciding the feeling should be a product.

Wireframe line-art avatar illustration of Bjorn Uptime

Björn Uptime

VP Infrastructure, One Nine Division

Personally responsible for the 94.5% SLA. Considers the missing 5.5% a "creative choice," not an outage.

Wireframe line-art avatar illustration of Benny Bandwidth

Benny Bandwidth

Head of SuperTrouper Network Fabric

Believes latency is a feeling, not a metric. Has never once been on time to a meeting about latency.

Wireframe line-art avatar illustration of Frida Firewall

Frida Firewall

Director of WAFv3, Deny-Deny Practice

Wrote the rule that denies admin access by default. Has been locked out of her own laptop since March. Calls it "proof of concept."

Wireframe line-art avatar illustration of Waterloo Chen

Waterloo Chen

Storage Tiering Philosopher

Named the archive tier after a historic defeat on purpose. Refuses to explain further. It's in the pricing page if you look closely.

Wireframe line-art avatar illustration of Mamma Miaghan

Mamma Miaghan

Head of Customer Success (Success TBD)

Answers every support ticket with a follow-up question. Has closed zero tickets. Has opened forty-one new ones by accident.

HOW WE HIRE

A fully documented, deeply questionable process.

Every candidate is interviewed by whoever is nearest the disco ball. References are checked in 4/4 time. Offers are extended based on vibes and, occasionally, relevant experience.

Blueprint-style wireframe illustration of a team of five people around a conference table, one gesturing at a wall screen with a tangled diagram, thin gold and pink linework on a dark background